I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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