He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
