I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
