I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize