I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
