you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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