Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(509): View more from Washington

My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.

Fav 11 2682 939
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(502): View more from Kentucky

sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets

Fav 6 2849 980
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(716): View more from New York

Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.

Fav 22 2849 2089
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(778): View more from British Columbia

Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?

Fav 26 4375 1172
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(801): View more from Utah

Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first

(206): View more from Washington

You are the luckiest man alive

Fav 16 11135 2014
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(845): View more from New York

if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian

Fav 7 1725 3009
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(352): View more from Florida

The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.

(1-352): View more from Florida

Oh God. You're going to jail

Fav 30 6472 1963
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(609): View more from New Jersey

I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...

(856): View more from New Jersey

YOU ARE MY HERO

Fav 8 939 592
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..

Fav 0 22 3
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