Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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