please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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