The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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