Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
My pussy is not your playground.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
