people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
