call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Less talking, more tequila
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
This baby is an asshole
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
