I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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