Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
