I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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