its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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