you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
