there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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