if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize