dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize