people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
the condom got lost in my hair
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
