It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
