So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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