When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
