We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize