Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
