Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
