Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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