Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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