I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
