Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
