Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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