after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
