Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Randomize
