I only kidnapped one of them. chill
it was like eating out sand paper
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
