Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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