She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
