Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
