aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
