Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize