Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
