My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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