I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
