is your mom at the bar?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
