He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
