apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
40s are totally the cure
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
