The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
