Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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