Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
