i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Randomize
