The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
