Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
