This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
