he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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