how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
