you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
