i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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