I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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