Plan B is the new Plan A
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
