I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
