at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
