He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize