I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
