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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
