I met the friendliest cop last night
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
