dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Edward fifth and chaser hands
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I lost the right to judge tonight
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
