____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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