I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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