Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
