Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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