and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Sober January is a disaster.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
