Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
