I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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