Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
