just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
