I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
