UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
